Life. We get to some point, where and when it happens I am still unsure, of when we are supposed to take control of our own destiny. From society's standpoint I suppose I mean more so in a professional and academic level as well as family prioritization. Some of us have our parents lying heavy on our decisions, so much so to say they make the decisions for us. For others, we are told what is expected of us but not really how to get there. I believe in this time is where some of us begin to hardcore struggle internally. Why?
Our hearts and our heads don't line up, they say. First of all, who is they, & who decided that they get to be the decision makers for others? Because if you ask me, the only time our heads and our hearts do line up is when we are following what is meant for us. When we are being guided by our soul, both our head and our heart are at peace. Sure, sometimes we know we are reacting on emotion and we take a step back and regather our thoughts to see if it's the same in a day or so before we go with that. Which is okay, in fact, I fully support that approach. The problem is when we use our head as an excuse to not follow a dream, and we use our heart to prevent taking a leap of faith.
I may not have the house with the picket fence and a husband and kids waiting for me when I get home. I may not have the job I want or be financially stable to the extent I'd hope for by now; but that's okay. Allow me to repeat, that's okay. I am in a transition state and it's okay. I look up with a heavy weight on my shoulders of the idea of who I should be by now and I stagger. I shift the weight and where there are empty places on the walls meant for this academic degree and that degree, I now see a whole different picture. This wall is not empty at all. This wall and others are overfilled with various degrees in life. To the left is the life skills degree. In the center is a certificate for making it through the hardest year to date, signed by several mentors that honored me through it. There's collages of different adventures, like the summer I spent in New Hampshire gaining life experience instead of sitting in a classroom. That one could also be world history, in one specific photo you see there's people from three different states & several different countries. I've gained and mastered the art of survival, that one hangs proudly within a thick frame. MRB quotes are painted beautifully along the walls and I see the space for the stages of thriving I am currently pursuing.
Life is different for each of us. The day we stop listening to the "They's", "Them's", and anyone else who tells you who you are supposed to be is the day you are free. Free to finally live on your terms, for the first time ever. It's exciting, it's of course anxiety-inducing, but it's YOURS. And nothing can top that. It sure as hell beats chasing living up to the the lifelong dream you never wanted the first place.
& on the hard days remember, it's a process.
Morgan Rae Brown is a deep thinker that writes directly from her soul.