Exhausting, isn’t it? Holding up that mask we so intently wear. Until it becomes second nature. Wearing the mask, that is, not the exhaustion. We don’t get used to that, the exhaustion. We just begin to wonder why we are “suddenly” so tired. Though it hasn’t been sudden at all, has it?
Here’s the thing. What if we took that mask off? What if taking that mask off wasn’t what we were promised it would be. Freeing, burden-lifting, lighter. What happens when we take off the mask and our heart is still bruised and broken. Our mind is still defeated. Our spirit still destroyed. Nobody talks about what it feels like when we take that mask off unless it feels great.
But what if? What if our mask was hiding the pain, the turmoil, the weaknesses. That’s hard to deal with. All of a sudden we are exposed. A fraud. They don’t tell us about this. The additional feelings built up over the ones underneath the mask. That damn mask. I don’t think it’s a defense mechanism at all. I believe it is an aide in sabotage. If we are not hiding happiness, joy, and all that fluffy stuff beneath our mask, why the hell take it off unless we have help to keep us from drowning. Drowning. That’s exactly it. We drown in the overflow of the mask. Now teach us to move onward. They cannot. This is up to us. We learn as we go. But what if we do not survive.
I may not know much, but I know struggle all too well. But as they say, we find our strength in our struggle.
To begin again. To continue. To move onward. To heal.
To heal is to clean out the gaping wounds so they can close up uninfected. Clean. Healthy. Ah there it is, with healing come our health.
Health is by far the most important. It is an integral piece our our life puzzle to be sane. Without our health, our world unravels from the inside out. From the outside in. Either way our health determines where we are.
Location physically and mentally. Where are we? Take a hard look around. The surrounding and the feelings.
Feelings. All that I know is that right now, I feel hopeful.
originally written in paper format, April 9th.
we must rise from the rubble, dust ourselves off, & begin again.
we look up.
it's a long way back to maybe even what we saw as rock bottom;
but we are looking up. ah, yes.
rushing into us down into our chest.
we look up, we start climbing.
Morgan Rae Brown is a deep thinker that writes directly from her soul.