While overly stressed out, overwhelmed, anxious, and in an excruciating state of transition, I sit here and smile. Why? Because life has been far, far worse. It is extremely difficult not to constantly be thinking of this time last year. As seasons and weather shifts happen, we are reminded of the last time it was this way; that familiarity stirs up memories and emotion which can either be good or bad.
We can get caught up in this game of both remembering and forgetting. We want to remember this but forget that. We want to live in this moment, but act as if that one never existed. The truth is that we cannot manipulate our brains enough to make this happen entirely in our favor. Sure our brains suppress specific things in order to attempt to protect us. But without the bad, would we even appreciate the good? Without that event taking place, our lives would forever be altered, & maybe not for the better. I supposed the point is that we need it all to happen, whether we remember it or not ,it shapes us into who we are in this very moment. As I type this & as you read it, we are being shaped and molded into something. Into someone. Someone that may change the world, or at least their part of it. Someone that may defy the odds, overcome, and tell their story to others to aide in their own healing. We just really don't know why things happen, and if we allow ourselves to stay stuck for too long, we won't get to that place to live it out.
Life is confusing, it's messy, and it's on somedays the last thing we want to be a part of. But it's also fascinating, liberating, and so full of love. Sure, I'm still hurt. I'm still healing, and I am still fighting. But I looked in the mirror yesterday and I saw something that had returned. A staple of MRB. My eyes. In this case, my eyes truly are the window to my soul, the telling sign of my health, my happiness, my state of being. I looked in the mirror and I saw it. That sparkle; it's back and I can feel it. So on the frustrating days, the days I want to throw something at the wall or throw in the towel, I'll look in the mirror. & even when tears stream down my face I'll see that it's there: that sparkle. The twinkle that captivates. I'll see it and remind myself, it's a process. What a difference a year makes.
there is a path. a seemingly crowded path at first. the path is not marked, however still clear. the people are drawn to each other as they walk into different directions. they converse, share stories, & qualities of themselves that they each contain. as they walk some people begin to naturally walk closer to one another, taking strides together; while others slowly drift away. the directions that people take are different, not at all the same.
the path is unmarked. being unmarked, who is to determine which is the right way to go? how do you know who to follow, how far, and where to? you don't. you don't follow anyone at all. this is your path, & yours alone. you come across various guides along the way, but they are just that: guides. the correct ones will merely aide you what comes of your choices and decisions within this path, but they will not dictate or push you one way or another. do not be distracted by the people along your side, their presence isn't always of high value. why is this? because although they may be walking with you right now, they might not be in the future. they are not walking your path, so do not be fooled. your paths are just crossing for a brief moment in time.
the path is unmarked, but you are on it. to the outsider, your path may look rough, warped, or daunting. ignore them, they do not know where yours leads or why it currently looks this way. they also do not know your strengths. looks are deceiving, do not take a direction simply because it looks like an easy journey. you may be tired, worn out and worn down, but do not allow it to shift your direction negatively. instead, take a sidestep and rest for a breath. you could also be motivated, have energy to take on his adventure, & be ready to go onward. so go onward. the important thing is to continue on the path any way that feels right for you. you must follow the path with your heart, not your eyes. let your soul lead the way, it knows where it needs to go and how to get there.
Originally posted 2013. Revamped and posted here and now.
A balloon. A fresh, just blown up with helium balloon. Who can resist it? It's beautiful, colorful. vibrant. It demands to be noticed no matter the cost. A balloon. In time it starts to become smaller, it loses its height. The helium begins to leak out, the balloon starts to sink. It's a sad sight, an old balloon. You can try to add in new helium, but it doesn't last long. It starts to slowly lose it's magic, its deflating. It falls toward the floor, sometimes getting stuck mid-air. One might grab it and pop it at this stage, there's no good use for it anyhow. It's purpose has been served. Or its left to its own survival. It deflates and then it's gone. A balloon. A once beautiful, enticing, exciting balloon. Gone.