a double valentine
I try not to get too personal, but hey, we've already been doing that lately anyhow. We all know I am all about self-love & self kindness, even if I'm not following it. Valentine's Day. Yes, that dreadful day for all singles and the ones who haven't defined their relationship status. For a couple years now I have made it known that I am my own valentine. This year was no different, but another person decided to ask to be added to that list.
See, I didn't seek out outside companionship once I got healthy again. I quite frankly swore off it and went out of my way to rid myself of the ones that could jeopardize my newly regained stable foundation. I believe that this is the most exciting part, he just happened to come along so seamlessly. Now, life doesn't typically go as we plan it, especially love and relationships. We cannot mark our calendars and say on this day in exactly two years, four months, and three days, I will be ready to fall in love, and the right person will walk through that door. Come on, people.
Now here is where I say this: if I described all of my own self-love and acceptance and the ideals, I could literally be describing him as well. This is why I had a double valentine. What I expect when I am clear headed, healthy and healthy-minded, he offers what I would normally give to myself. Never in my life has this lined up and presented itself to me in this way. I will be the first to admit that I am like a rubik's cube, I am not an easy read, and I am not "typical" especially in relationships. This makes things quite difficult for the wrong person. Key- wrong.
Never in life has someone called me annoying in a way that brings a smile to my face & turns it into a term of endearment- most of the time. Never has someone taken the struggles I've faced and accepted them with patience, love, and understanding. Never has someone looked at me so gently & tenderly, but then make me laugh in the following two seconds. To my other valentine, you make my heart skip a beat. You add to my happiness, and you feel my sadness. You encourage all my passions, laugh at my song choices & watch me jam in the car as I sing along to songs you haven't heard in decades. You look at me and you see me. And I mean really see me. You somehow came into my life like a tornado and a calming presence simultaneously. You see life in color as vividly as I do, and you've grabbed a paintbrush to aide in spreading the color in such a delicate and intricate way that allows me to both continue my own portrait, and begin ours. You let me feel weak with you, and you give yourself to me in a way that allows me to be the rock at times, too. You let yourself be important to me, but make sure I am important to myself, too. You are everything and then some. I've never talked to someone so frequently, felt entirely comfortable to take a leap, & know I will be safe. You also drive me crazy, are the most handsome man I've laid my eyes on, and "help" me notice all my weird quirks and repetitive sayings (still figuring out if that's a good thing!). Through you, I learn more about me. Being with you doesn't take away from me, it adds more to who I am and who I think I always was or wanted to be.
On this current journey of self discovery, there is nobody I would rather walk it with. Here's to you, to me, and to us. You're going to hate that I wrote this, but this is a gift, remember that it's rude not to accept it ;). I will never stop taking random photos of you and stopping mid-sentence to tell you how attractive you are, stealing your clothes and then giving them back because I'd rather see you in them than wear them myself, & narrating all videos as if I am your own personal paparazzi. You are special every moment of everyday, even the hard ones.
Not just Valentine's Day, you sexy hunk of man,
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